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This is the most outrageous story I've read in some time. Good parents buy soft toilet seats. Bad parents buy giant wooden ones. It's as simple as that. Doctors say that an increase of penile "crushings" has occurred with boys who have just been potty trained. And heavy seats are the culprit. Or maybe we need more foreskin in this world. It would definitely offer some serious protection from such accidents. Think about it, America. Keep the penises safe, people!!! Check out the article.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28390912/
About Me
- MFIII
- I was conceived by Scotish/Irish immigrants some odd years ago in a rural town in South Carolina. My childhood consisted of my two older brothers beating me over the head with a cold, steel frying pan and my mother screaming at me to pick up the garsh-darn micro machines. After that, I seemed to develop a bit of a deep hatred for Native Americans. Additionally, I mistakenly courted a woman who happened to already be taken. Turns out marriage licenses DO matter. Lastly, I'd like to point out that no one should cross me, for I am officially 13-0 in duels. Unofficially I've won hundreds, maybe thousands. I SWEAR IT.
Monday, December 29, 2008
The POP-ED - A Sucker for Special Editions
The day after Christmas had me at Best Buy amidst the droves of shoppers and returners. I was a shopper in this instance and a bargain shopper at that. I snagged eight DVDs for 51 bucks. Some were my favorites and some were just damn good. I'll give a brief description of each along with a rating and a recommendation. I'll start with my least favorite.
Team America: World Police ($5)
At five bucks, I thought this movie was a steal. It's first on the list only because I've yet to see it, but it's made by the producers and writers of South Park, so you know it's gotta be gold. The story follows a counter-terrorism unit that fights world crime. The main character is an actor turned special agent. Did I mention the characters are string puppets? IMDB.com gives it a 7.3 and being a huge fan of South Park, I can definitely say that I'm excited to see it.
Mortal Kombat ($5)
I know, I know. It's a bad movie. But it's a classic in my book and some of the action really isn't all that bad. The games for Sega Genesis and Playstation were great. And still are for that matter. Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe was just released and is already a huge hit. Anyhow, I find the movie to be entertaining and even find some of the mythology behind it to be intriguing. Like I said though, it's not winning any academy awards and the storyline is as simple as it gets. See it for some cool fight scenes and funky characters. IMBD.com gives it a 5.3. I give it a 6 for sentimental reasons.
Italian Job ($5)
This is a solid movie and remake of the 1969 Michael Caine flick. Mark Wahlberg headlines a stellar cast of characters including Charlize Theron, Jason Statham, Seth Green, and Ed Norton. The film follows a group of high-end burglars who are two-timed by their friend (Norton), who steals millions in gold from them. The movie shows how they attempt to get the gold back. With dazzling car chases, hip characters, a young and talented cast, and good acting, this movie entertains at all levels. Check it out for a fun viewing. IMBD.com gives it a 6.9. I give it a 7.
Memento Special Edition ($9)
I was more than excited to say the least to see this special edition lying around for nine bones. It's a dark, psychological masterpiece about a man who loses his short term memory and his wife in an incident in his own home but struggles to find out who did it and how and why. Guy Pierce headlines and is joined by Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano, who both help and abuse their friend who's lost his mind. The movie requires multiple viewings because of the many subtleties inherent to it and because some of it is shot going backwards in time, revealing more and more of the plot. The viewer can really feel the main character's pain as he struggles with everyday life and continually writes notes to remember the simplest of things. We root for him the whole way, not necessarily knowing what to expect of the man, but full knowing that we want him to find his wife's murderer. See this movie immediately if you're a fan of film, specifically deep, intellectual pieces. This one will keep you thinking for days after. IMDB.com has it at an 8.6 and ranked #27 of all time. I give it an 8.5.
Reservoir Dogs 15th Anniversary Special Edition ($5)
Once again, five dollars for this special edition is a no-brainer. This edition carries its DVDs in a mock-oil can and a giant book of matches. It's awesome. If you don't know this Tarantino flick about a heist gone bad, you need to know, and you need to know fast. The movie is sheer style, with its cast (Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel, etc.) oozing with early 90s confidence. The dialogue is extraordinary as is the case with Quentin's films. His great feat, however, is how he's able to tell the story without ever showing the actual heist. After they figure out that someone in their group ratted them out to the police, we see the members of the criminal team lose all faith in each other and completely lose their cool because of it. Throw in a nice torture scene and a little bit of the background information of the job, and you've got yourself a great movie. See it immediately. IMDB.com rates it at 8.4 at #68 of all time. I give it an 8.5.
Spider Man 2 ($5)
This movie is great. Enough said. The action is ridiculous, and it is arguable that this sequel is better than the original. I think so. Doctor Octopus (played by Alfred Molina) is a great villain. The backstory is pieced together nicely as always and the comic book feel is simply perfect. The minor characters are played well by James Franco, Kirsten Dunst, and J.K. SimmonTs. I guess I'm just a sucker for superhero movies, but make no mistake: this movie will knock your socks, sneakers, shoes, and galoshes off. See it now, or forever be a terrible person!!! IMDB doesn't give it enough credit with a 7.7. I give it an 8.5.
The Matrix ($7)
This is the first installment to what is easily my favorite trilogy ever. I honestly couldn't tell you why I didn't own it until now. I've owned the second two for some time now. The Matrix seems to be hit or miss with moviegoers, but I think it's just brilliant. It is easily the most psychological, philosophical, and religiously deep movie ever made. In fact, it's so deep that when someone asks you what it's about, you might as well order a pizza and break out some diagrams for the night because there's no way they'll understand you otherwise. Each of the three films requires multiple viewings to grasp all of the nuance and subtlety. This first one follows Neo, a computer junkie who feels that there is something more to his life. He is found by a man who says he can show him the path, and he evolves into the leader of a revolution to save humankind from complete destruction. Now, this is just the base storyline, and the film has top-notch dialogue, mind-bending action, and drama, with deep characterization to boot. I do realize that some critics and filmgoers do not like the movie. And their opinion is noted, but I strongly urge anyone to see this movie and see it fast. It truly is the full experience. IMDB.com gives it ans 8.6 and the #30 ranking of all time. I give it at least a 9.
American History X ($7)
Here's another gem, starring Ed Norton and Edward Furlong. This movie is a hard-nosed drama about racism and ethics in sub-urban America. Norton plays a devout neo-Nazi, who changes his ways after many trying experiences and must teach his younger brother (who has followed in his footsteps) of his new epiphany. It chronicles not only the main character's past experiences, but also the relationship between the brothers. Revealing much else would do a disservice to the film. All that needs to be said is the acting is marvelous and the movie includes some of the most gripping, most hard-hitting, most issue-driven drama in recent memory. Norton is at his absolute best here, and the story is haunting. IMDB has it rated at #40 all time with an 8.6. I give it a 9.
So, I think these are 8 decent flicks. Check them out if you can. If not, I think you're a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. I think the real moral of the story here is to get your ass to Best Buy immediately.
Team America: World Police ($5)
At five bucks, I thought this movie was a steal. It's first on the list only because I've yet to see it, but it's made by the producers and writers of South Park, so you know it's gotta be gold. The story follows a counter-terrorism unit that fights world crime. The main character is an actor turned special agent. Did I mention the characters are string puppets? IMDB.com gives it a 7.3 and being a huge fan of South Park, I can definitely say that I'm excited to see it.
Mortal Kombat ($5)
I know, I know. It's a bad movie. But it's a classic in my book and some of the action really isn't all that bad. The games for Sega Genesis and Playstation were great. And still are for that matter. Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe was just released and is already a huge hit. Anyhow, I find the movie to be entertaining and even find some of the mythology behind it to be intriguing. Like I said though, it's not winning any academy awards and the storyline is as simple as it gets. See it for some cool fight scenes and funky characters. IMBD.com gives it a 5.3. I give it a 6 for sentimental reasons.
Italian Job ($5)
This is a solid movie and remake of the 1969 Michael Caine flick. Mark Wahlberg headlines a stellar cast of characters including Charlize Theron, Jason Statham, Seth Green, and Ed Norton. The film follows a group of high-end burglars who are two-timed by their friend (Norton), who steals millions in gold from them. The movie shows how they attempt to get the gold back. With dazzling car chases, hip characters, a young and talented cast, and good acting, this movie entertains at all levels. Check it out for a fun viewing. IMBD.com gives it a 6.9. I give it a 7.
Memento Special Edition ($9)
I was more than excited to say the least to see this special edition lying around for nine bones. It's a dark, psychological masterpiece about a man who loses his short term memory and his wife in an incident in his own home but struggles to find out who did it and how and why. Guy Pierce headlines and is joined by Carrie-Anne Moss and Joe Pantoliano, who both help and abuse their friend who's lost his mind. The movie requires multiple viewings because of the many subtleties inherent to it and because some of it is shot going backwards in time, revealing more and more of the plot. The viewer can really feel the main character's pain as he struggles with everyday life and continually writes notes to remember the simplest of things. We root for him the whole way, not necessarily knowing what to expect of the man, but full knowing that we want him to find his wife's murderer. See this movie immediately if you're a fan of film, specifically deep, intellectual pieces. This one will keep you thinking for days after. IMDB.com has it at an 8.6 and ranked #27 of all time. I give it an 8.5.
Reservoir Dogs 15th Anniversary Special Edition ($5)
Once again, five dollars for this special edition is a no-brainer. This edition carries its DVDs in a mock-oil can and a giant book of matches. It's awesome. If you don't know this Tarantino flick about a heist gone bad, you need to know, and you need to know fast. The movie is sheer style, with its cast (Michael Madsen, Steve Buscemi, Tim Roth, Harvey Keitel, etc.) oozing with early 90s confidence. The dialogue is extraordinary as is the case with Quentin's films. His great feat, however, is how he's able to tell the story without ever showing the actual heist. After they figure out that someone in their group ratted them out to the police, we see the members of the criminal team lose all faith in each other and completely lose their cool because of it. Throw in a nice torture scene and a little bit of the background information of the job, and you've got yourself a great movie. See it immediately. IMDB.com rates it at 8.4 at #68 of all time. I give it an 8.5.
Spider Man 2 ($5)
This movie is great. Enough said. The action is ridiculous, and it is arguable that this sequel is better than the original. I think so. Doctor Octopus (played by Alfred Molina) is a great villain. The backstory is pieced together nicely as always and the comic book feel is simply perfect. The minor characters are played well by James Franco, Kirsten Dunst, and J.K. SimmonTs. I guess I'm just a sucker for superhero movies, but make no mistake: this movie will knock your socks, sneakers, shoes, and galoshes off. See it now, or forever be a terrible person!!! IMDB doesn't give it enough credit with a 7.7. I give it an 8.5.
The Matrix ($7)
This is the first installment to what is easily my favorite trilogy ever. I honestly couldn't tell you why I didn't own it until now. I've owned the second two for some time now. The Matrix seems to be hit or miss with moviegoers, but I think it's just brilliant. It is easily the most psychological, philosophical, and religiously deep movie ever made. In fact, it's so deep that when someone asks you what it's about, you might as well order a pizza and break out some diagrams for the night because there's no way they'll understand you otherwise. Each of the three films requires multiple viewings to grasp all of the nuance and subtlety. This first one follows Neo, a computer junkie who feels that there is something more to his life. He is found by a man who says he can show him the path, and he evolves into the leader of a revolution to save humankind from complete destruction. Now, this is just the base storyline, and the film has top-notch dialogue, mind-bending action, and drama, with deep characterization to boot. I do realize that some critics and filmgoers do not like the movie. And their opinion is noted, but I strongly urge anyone to see this movie and see it fast. It truly is the full experience. IMDB.com gives it ans 8.6 and the #30 ranking of all time. I give it at least a 9.
American History X ($7)
Here's another gem, starring Ed Norton and Edward Furlong. This movie is a hard-nosed drama about racism and ethics in sub-urban America. Norton plays a devout neo-Nazi, who changes his ways after many trying experiences and must teach his younger brother (who has followed in his footsteps) of his new epiphany. It chronicles not only the main character's past experiences, but also the relationship between the brothers. Revealing much else would do a disservice to the film. All that needs to be said is the acting is marvelous and the movie includes some of the most gripping, most hard-hitting, most issue-driven drama in recent memory. Norton is at his absolute best here, and the story is haunting. IMDB has it rated at #40 all time with an 8.6. I give it a 9.
So, I think these are 8 decent flicks. Check them out if you can. If not, I think you're a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. I think the real moral of the story here is to get your ass to Best Buy immediately.
The Skinny Post - The Latest in Cultwear Fashion
The world is pooping the bed, people. Just take a look at the newest fad in the land of infomercials: Snuggies. It's a blanket with sleeves. I believe the pitch for the product is something like "ever have problems getting your arms stuck in your blanket? Not anymore." And I promise that's not a joke. It has to be the most useless, most absurd product I've seen in a few years. The idea itself is stupid, but apparently, the marketing and production departments didn't realize that their buyers look like they're wearing priest garb. Take a look at the commercial yourself. The sleeves are gigantic and it looks like a robe when worn. Calling all cult leaders! We've found your official product! And it's cheap! You can buy the expensive punch now! Take a look.https://www.getsnuggie.com/
The Festo - State of New England Sports
With three teams currently dogging it out within their respective leagues, while each maintaining stellar records, it'd be hard to complain about being a sports fan in New England. Lately (this decade), there really hasn't been much to complain about either, but hey, this is a blog, and what else are blogs good for but complaining. So, let's start from the top, with the hands-down best sport ever created in the history of things with legs and arms: tackle football.
The New England Patriots: Coming off the greatest single year in the history of the sport (and the most monumental of collapses), things didn't get much better for the Pats. Tom Brady's knee said bye-bye, and most fans said bye-bye to the season and hopes of Super Bowl prominence when Brady's backup, Matt Cassel, stepped in. Cassel was a lifelong backup (4 years in the NFL and 4 years at USC at both quarterback and centerfield), and that's never any fun. After a few hiccups, however, Cassel proved to be a solid leader, and the Patriots once again found themselves in the hunt for the AFC East Championship and the playoffs. With a win at Buffalo and a loss by either the Dolphins (@ the Jets) or the Ravens (vs. the Jaguars), the Pats would find themselves fighting it out for the AFC crown for the sixth straight year. They held serve, defeating the Bills 13-0 in wind gusts of up to 60 mph. The two 4 p.m games ensued, and we watched with fingers crossed as the Jets became our last hope for the season (the Ravens had dominated in Baltimore). Brett Favre looked shaky as he had in the latter half of the season, and Pennington and the Dolphins looked lucky enough and destined to win as they had all season. In the end, it was the Dolphins who won, seemingly with God on their side, putting an end to the Pats' dreams of taking a most unlikely Super Bowl. They finished 11-5 on the year, and were only the second team in history with a record that good to miss the playoffs (1985 Broncos). All in all, it was a great season. Eleven wins in the AFC and all after the league's MVP went down early. Cassel showed some resolve and promise for the future. He's now expected to be one of the biggest free agents on the market, apparently earning himself a contract of up to 80 million dollars. Next year is still shaky, however, what with a very slow recovery process for Brady and the loss of Cassel. Every New Englander simply hopes that Brady can be the quarterback he was after the injury, especially after seeing the woes of many NFL stars after similar knee shots (Carson Palmer, Daunte Culpepper, Cadillac Williams, and even Donovan McNabb). The talent is undoubtedly still there (Moss, Welker, Watson, Morris, Faulk, Maroney) and if Brady can lock it up, the offense will still be potent. A minor problem could be an aging defense (which still managed to finish ranked seventh in the entire NFL), but a moderate draft position could help with that.
The Boston Celtics: After the big three led the C's to the promiseland last year, many thought age and complacency would hinder some of the goals for the year. Boy were they wrong. The C's have the best record in the league after their first 32 games (28-4) and had the best start in the history of the league (27-2) after a 19 game winning streak. They're primed for another run at the title, with the big three playing just as well as they did last year, and with Ray Allen playing even better. The real pleasure, though, is watching the development of Rajon Rondo, the flashy point guard from Kentucky. He's really come into his own with this team, and has truly become a leader on the floor. I remember many of my friends being sceptical about the draft choice, but even they have reneged on their reservations. He's that damn good. Pair that up with Kendrick Perkins getting better and the bench with an extra year of solid experience and you have a recipe for another championship as well as one for the disaster of the rest of the league. The Lakers ended their historic 19 game run on Christmas night, showing that they are still the team to beat in the West and the second in line to the Celts leaguewide. The Cavaliers and Magic have stepped up to be more than formidable opponents in the East, with Lebron and Dwight Howard looking better than ever, and the usual suspects are still around in the West. Two questions still linger for the Celts as the season moves along. The first is will they make a move for a free agent to compliment their squad? Some say yes. Names like Alonzo Mourning and Dikembe Mutombo have been floating around, as well as P.J. Brown's once again. Veteran point guard Sam Cassel is still on the bench providing leadership and savvy, and the biggins on the bench seem to be holding their own, so a move is still up in the air. The second question: when can we start the playoffs?
The Boston Bruins: Let's face it: we all know they're playing great. They're in first place in their conference and tied for the best in the NHL. I'm excited for them. I have friends that are huge fans. But I can probably only name about four players on their team, and I think the general consensus is that Hockey has grown irrelevant. I'll pay attention to them when the playoffs roll around...maybe.
The Boston Red Sox: They took a tough loss to the Rays in the ALCS last year, and the Yankees are signing every free agent on the market, but everyone seems to think they're still the frontrunner in the AL East. Their offseason has been quiet, probably because they have the most complete team in the majors, not to mention their young talent that gets better with every game, but I still think they could put another good arm to use. I also think Jason Varitek is a washed-up dinosaur. The potential woes are as follows: Beckett needs to have a Cy Young caliber year for them to be competitive, but he had an off-year in 07. It'll be hard for Lester to keep up his nasty streak of last year. Dice-K seems to always be a question mark. Getting to Papelbon could pose a problem. And Varitez was the worst hitter in the entire league last year (I'm not exaggerating). Maybe Theo Epstein was thinking on my level when he traded Coco Crisp for Royals pitcher Ramon Martinez, signed Japanese pitcher Junichi Tazawa, and recently signed pitcher Brad Penny of the Dodgers and catcher Josh Bard of the Padres. Now, it appears that Epstein is looking for a bat, reportedly talking to Rocco Baldelli and Jarrod Saltalamacchia and already touting young first baseman Lars Anderson within their ranks. They did pursue Mark Teixeira rather boldly, offering eight years and 160 million, but were outbid by the Yankees only a day or two after the Red Sox were named the leading candidate for the gold glove caliber switch hitter. And Manny Ramirez is still a free agent, but for obvious reasons the Red Sox are not going to do anything to change his status. In the end, it may be a very similar team to last year's that plays the 162. And that's just fine, with young studs like Pedroia, Lowry, Ellsbury, and Youkilis leading the way. Veterans Mike Lowell and David Ortiz should have better season after recovering from injuries, and the rotation, although shaky at times, is still one of the best in the MLB. Indeed, the season should be an intriguing one. The AL East is as stacked as ever, and big names have shifted all over the country. Either way, the Sox should be fully immersed in the hunt for the World Series.
The New England Patriots: Coming off the greatest single year in the history of the sport (and the most monumental of collapses), things didn't get much better for the Pats. Tom Brady's knee said bye-bye, and most fans said bye-bye to the season and hopes of Super Bowl prominence when Brady's backup, Matt Cassel, stepped in. Cassel was a lifelong backup (4 years in the NFL and 4 years at USC at both quarterback and centerfield), and that's never any fun. After a few hiccups, however, Cassel proved to be a solid leader, and the Patriots once again found themselves in the hunt for the AFC East Championship and the playoffs. With a win at Buffalo and a loss by either the Dolphins (@ the Jets) or the Ravens (vs. the Jaguars), the Pats would find themselves fighting it out for the AFC crown for the sixth straight year. They held serve, defeating the Bills 13-0 in wind gusts of up to 60 mph. The two 4 p.m games ensued, and we watched with fingers crossed as the Jets became our last hope for the season (the Ravens had dominated in Baltimore). Brett Favre looked shaky as he had in the latter half of the season, and Pennington and the Dolphins looked lucky enough and destined to win as they had all season. In the end, it was the Dolphins who won, seemingly with God on their side, putting an end to the Pats' dreams of taking a most unlikely Super Bowl. They finished 11-5 on the year, and were only the second team in history with a record that good to miss the playoffs (1985 Broncos). All in all, it was a great season. Eleven wins in the AFC and all after the league's MVP went down early. Cassel showed some resolve and promise for the future. He's now expected to be one of the biggest free agents on the market, apparently earning himself a contract of up to 80 million dollars. Next year is still shaky, however, what with a very slow recovery process for Brady and the loss of Cassel. Every New Englander simply hopes that Brady can be the quarterback he was after the injury, especially after seeing the woes of many NFL stars after similar knee shots (Carson Palmer, Daunte Culpepper, Cadillac Williams, and even Donovan McNabb). The talent is undoubtedly still there (Moss, Welker, Watson, Morris, Faulk, Maroney) and if Brady can lock it up, the offense will still be potent. A minor problem could be an aging defense (which still managed to finish ranked seventh in the entire NFL), but a moderate draft position could help with that.
The Boston Celtics: After the big three led the C's to the promiseland last year, many thought age and complacency would hinder some of the goals for the year. Boy were they wrong. The C's have the best record in the league after their first 32 games (28-4) and had the best start in the history of the league (27-2) after a 19 game winning streak. They're primed for another run at the title, with the big three playing just as well as they did last year, and with Ray Allen playing even better. The real pleasure, though, is watching the development of Rajon Rondo, the flashy point guard from Kentucky. He's really come into his own with this team, and has truly become a leader on the floor. I remember many of my friends being sceptical about the draft choice, but even they have reneged on their reservations. He's that damn good. Pair that up with Kendrick Perkins getting better and the bench with an extra year of solid experience and you have a recipe for another championship as well as one for the disaster of the rest of the league. The Lakers ended their historic 19 game run on Christmas night, showing that they are still the team to beat in the West and the second in line to the Celts leaguewide. The Cavaliers and Magic have stepped up to be more than formidable opponents in the East, with Lebron and Dwight Howard looking better than ever, and the usual suspects are still around in the West. Two questions still linger for the Celts as the season moves along. The first is will they make a move for a free agent to compliment their squad? Some say yes. Names like Alonzo Mourning and Dikembe Mutombo have been floating around, as well as P.J. Brown's once again. Veteran point guard Sam Cassel is still on the bench providing leadership and savvy, and the biggins on the bench seem to be holding their own, so a move is still up in the air. The second question: when can we start the playoffs?
The Boston Bruins: Let's face it: we all know they're playing great. They're in first place in their conference and tied for the best in the NHL. I'm excited for them. I have friends that are huge fans. But I can probably only name about four players on their team, and I think the general consensus is that Hockey has grown irrelevant. I'll pay attention to them when the playoffs roll around...maybe.The Boston Red Sox: They took a tough loss to the Rays in the ALCS last year, and the Yankees are signing every free agent on the market, but everyone seems to think they're still the frontrunner in the AL East. Their offseason has been quiet, probably because they have the most complete team in the majors, not to mention their young talent that gets better with every game, but I still think they could put another good arm to use. I also think Jason Varitek is a washed-up dinosaur. The potential woes are as follows: Beckett needs to have a Cy Young caliber year for them to be competitive, but he had an off-year in 07. It'll be hard for Lester to keep up his nasty streak of last year. Dice-K seems to always be a question mark. Getting to Papelbon could pose a problem. And Varitez was the worst hitter in the entire league last year (I'm not exaggerating). Maybe Theo Epstein was thinking on my level when he traded Coco Crisp for Royals pitcher Ramon Martinez, signed Japanese pitcher Junichi Tazawa, and recently signed pitcher Brad Penny of the Dodgers and catcher Josh Bard of the Padres. Now, it appears that Epstein is looking for a bat, reportedly talking to Rocco Baldelli and Jarrod Saltalamacchia and already touting young first baseman Lars Anderson within their ranks. They did pursue Mark Teixeira rather boldly, offering eight years and 160 million, but were outbid by the Yankees only a day or two after the Red Sox were named the leading candidate for the gold glove caliber switch hitter. And Manny Ramirez is still a free agent, but for obvious reasons the Red Sox are not going to do anything to change his status. In the end, it may be a very similar team to last year's that plays the 162. And that's just fine, with young studs like Pedroia, Lowry, Ellsbury, and Youkilis leading the way. Veterans Mike Lowell and David Ortiz should have better season after recovering from injuries, and the rotation, although shaky at times, is still one of the best in the MLB. Indeed, the season should be an intriguing one. The AL East is as stacked as ever, and big names have shifted all over the country. Either way, the Sox should be fully immersed in the hunt for the World Series. I can't deny it. Being a New Englander is as pleasing as ever. Each team is in the playoff hunt, and we have some of the biggest stars in their respective leagues. I certainly can't complain at all and I know many of you are jealous. Haha. Let's go Celts.
Friday, December 26, 2008
The Festo - The Yankees Don't Need a Gift Receipt for Their Christmas Present
How does it happen every year? It becoming annoying to say the least, but the New York Yankees have once again dug deep into their wallets and signed the biggest free agents of the year. This time it's been to the tune of more than 400 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!!! And this is for just three players.
Let's see: their major problem last year was pitching. Andy Pettitte and Mike Mussina held their own, but Wang was hurt, they were aging, Pettite was going to be a free agent, and Mussina just happened to retire in the off-season. So, what do you do? First, give A.J. Burnett a call. He'll listen. Tell him you're ready to give him 5 years and 82 million, and he'll drop the phone and collapse. Let's face it: he's a middle-of-the-road pitcher who's had injury problems for literally the entirety of his career. But he was a markee name in the mix because of his first truly stellar performance with the Blue Jays last year.
So, that's one minor solution to the problem. The major solution: C.C. Sabathia, the Cy Young caliber pitcher recently of the Brewers and Indians. He had a monster second half of the year with the Brewers, so much so that although he started horrendously, he still garnered some NL MVP consideration. So, offer him the biggest pitching contract in MLB history. 7 years and 161 Million. No big deal, right? Just pocket change. That makes two big name pitchers to alleviate their woes from the mound. And they still have Wang coming back healthy and the option to sign Pettitte again. Joba Chamberlain can move back to the bullpen, and this team will have the filthiest rotation in the league.
From there, you may say that the Yankees' bats were a bit weak last year. I wouldn't necessarily, but maybe their upper management would. So, they go looking for a new bat. Not Mark Teixeira, though, because he was being pursued by the Red Sox, Angels, and Nationals, among others. Well, guess what? Everyone was wrong. Teixeira sat back and watched for weeks as teams offered him contracts of up to 160 million. The greedy bastard that he was waited on it, and sure enough, when it seemed as though no one was interested, the Yankees swooped in and offered him 20 million more than that 160. Yup. 8 years and 180 million. It's absurd.
For the two or three weeks prior, the Red Sox were the consensus frontrunners, but when Teixeira threw their 160 million back in their face, they pulled away. Then came the Angels, who offered a very similar hefty chunk of change but were denied. They pulled away also. The Orioles and Nationals, who were willing to dish out some serious cash as well, just never seemed like they would snag him anyway. So, it was the Yankees, who seemingly always use their power of green to win over their players, and in the course of about two and a half weeks, they managed to sign three of the biggest free agents in the market at a price of 420 million. And now, they're targeting Derek Lowe and Manny Ramirez, the two other big free agents this year.
The crux of the matter here is the lack of the salary cap. Every other major sport has one. And every other major sport is that much more competitive. The Major League has easily become the most top-heavy of them all, with only five to ten teams having a legitimate chance at winning the World Series each year. Some would argue the opposite, citing the Tampa Bay Rays of last year or the Florida Marlins of years past, but consider this: the Rays have loads of young talent. Everyone knows that. They also only have a 40 million dollar payroll each year. So, what happens when those young, talented players' contracts expire? Teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, or Mets will swoop in and scoop them up with lucrative contracts. The system is inherently flawed.
We saw the same thing happen with the World Series Marlins, who shipped off all of their markee players in the following two years. The MLB has no parody whatsoever, and it hurts no one but the fans. What's exciting about seeing the Yankees in the World Series nine out of ten times? Nothing. What's exciting about seeing the same teams in the playoffs every year? Nothing. What's exciting about watching as money and greed take over the sport instead of hard work and loyalty. Nothing. And this is coming from a Red Sox fan, who has watched his team use this system of no salary cap to perfection. But as a fan of baseball as a whole, these recent events have truly made me nauseous.
A potential solution would undoubtedly be a salary ceiling and floor. Say 120 Million and 60 Million just to inject some parody in the league. When stars are only going to one of a possible three or five teams, the league goes stale. A plan like this would eliminate that possibility and showcase some smaller market teams to the U.S. Because now, those small market teams are hurting terribly. If I'm a Pittsburgh Pirates fan or season ticket holder, where's my incentive to continue paying for the tickets? The Pirates aren't competitive every year, and most of us know how difficult it is to root for a bad home team. The MLB needs to implement some legislation to fix this problem. Otherwise, we're going to end up where the league started: with a few marketable teams left and an interest level that is solely attributable to the region in which you live.
Let's see: their major problem last year was pitching. Andy Pettitte and Mike Mussina held their own, but Wang was hurt, they were aging, Pettite was going to be a free agent, and Mussina just happened to retire in the off-season. So, what do you do? First, give A.J. Burnett a call. He'll listen. Tell him you're ready to give him 5 years and 82 million, and he'll drop the phone and collapse. Let's face it: he's a middle-of-the-road pitcher who's had injury problems for literally the entirety of his career. But he was a markee name in the mix because of his first truly stellar performance with the Blue Jays last year.
So, that's one minor solution to the problem. The major solution: C.C. Sabathia, the Cy Young caliber pitcher recently of the Brewers and Indians. He had a monster second half of the year with the Brewers, so much so that although he started horrendously, he still garnered some NL MVP consideration. So, offer him the biggest pitching contract in MLB history. 7 years and 161 Million. No big deal, right? Just pocket change. That makes two big name pitchers to alleviate their woes from the mound. And they still have Wang coming back healthy and the option to sign Pettitte again. Joba Chamberlain can move back to the bullpen, and this team will have the filthiest rotation in the league.From there, you may say that the Yankees' bats were a bit weak last year. I wouldn't necessarily, but maybe their upper management would. So, they go looking for a new bat. Not Mark Teixeira, though, because he was being pursued by the Red Sox, Angels, and Nationals, among others. Well, guess what? Everyone was wrong. Teixeira sat back and watched for weeks as teams offered him contracts of up to 160 million. The greedy bastard that he was waited on it, and sure enough, when it seemed as though no one was interested, the Yankees swooped in and offered him 20 million more than that 160. Yup. 8 years and 180 million. It's absurd.
For the two or three weeks prior, the Red Sox were the consensus frontrunners, but when Teixeira threw their 160 million back in their face, they pulled away. Then came the Angels, who offered a very similar hefty chunk of change but were denied. They pulled away also. The Orioles and Nationals, who were willing to dish out some serious cash as well, just never seemed like they would snag him anyway. So, it was the Yankees, who seemingly always use their power of green to win over their players, and in the course of about two and a half weeks, they managed to sign three of the biggest free agents in the market at a price of 420 million. And now, they're targeting Derek Lowe and Manny Ramirez, the two other big free agents this year.The crux of the matter here is the lack of the salary cap. Every other major sport has one. And every other major sport is that much more competitive. The Major League has easily become the most top-heavy of them all, with only five to ten teams having a legitimate chance at winning the World Series each year. Some would argue the opposite, citing the Tampa Bay Rays of last year or the Florida Marlins of years past, but consider this: the Rays have loads of young talent. Everyone knows that. They also only have a 40 million dollar payroll each year. So, what happens when those young, talented players' contracts expire? Teams like the Yankees, Red Sox, Angels, or Mets will swoop in and scoop them up with lucrative contracts. The system is inherently flawed.
We saw the same thing happen with the World Series Marlins, who shipped off all of their markee players in the following two years. The MLB has no parody whatsoever, and it hurts no one but the fans. What's exciting about seeing the Yankees in the World Series nine out of ten times? Nothing. What's exciting about seeing the same teams in the playoffs every year? Nothing. What's exciting about watching as money and greed take over the sport instead of hard work and loyalty. Nothing. And this is coming from a Red Sox fan, who has watched his team use this system of no salary cap to perfection. But as a fan of baseball as a whole, these recent events have truly made me nauseous.
A potential solution would undoubtedly be a salary ceiling and floor. Say 120 Million and 60 Million just to inject some parody in the league. When stars are only going to one of a possible three or five teams, the league goes stale. A plan like this would eliminate that possibility and showcase some smaller market teams to the U.S. Because now, those small market teams are hurting terribly. If I'm a Pittsburgh Pirates fan or season ticket holder, where's my incentive to continue paying for the tickets? The Pirates aren't competitive every year, and most of us know how difficult it is to root for a bad home team. The MLB needs to implement some legislation to fix this problem. Otherwise, we're going to end up where the league started: with a few marketable teams left and an interest level that is solely attributable to the region in which you live.
The Skinny Post - Shoutout to Some Good People
I recently caught wind of a blog that a few of my friends put together here on blogspot. It's called The Art Official Commune. Basically, it's an attempt to unite the local artists of Rhode Island, East Providence, or anyone else we've encountered along the way. Being an East Providence Townie, writer, and artist myself, I found it interesting and unique. In fact, I had no idea some of these friends of mine were writers, painters, musicians, etc. So, needless to say, I'm excited about its endeavor and look forward to posting some of my own work in the future.
On another related note, I've recently discovered the show Red Eye of FoxNews. I know, I know. Some of you hear Fox and curse it and its hosts to the high heavens, but Red Eye is quite different. First of all, it airs at three in the a.m. That alone should tell you its a bit of an outcast within the FoxNews ranks. It also doesn't take on too many political issues, but rather just jokes on various situations in pop culture and the mainstream media. The show is downright hilarious and the host of the show, Greg Gutfeld, is gold. He has his own blog, The Daily Gut, that posts a daily rant about whatever issue seems to be prevalent at the time. If there is anyone who reads my stupid blogs (I'm fairly convinced that there isn't), they should also definitely check out these two gems. There located on my blog list to the left, or if you're lazy and don't feel like scrolling down, here are the links.
http://artofficialcommune.blogspot.com/
http://thedailygut/
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Skinny Post - Dodgeball Prospect?
"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." How about a shoe, though? Last week, we saw our commander in chief show some serious athletic skills when an Iraqi reporter threw two shoes at him in the middle of a press conference. President Bush dodged them artfully and popped his head up smiling as if to say "listen buddy, we can go a full twelve if you really want." Bush handled the situation with complete class as he has in his two terms in office, never too effected by the political left loons and always quick to show compassion before hate. What really kills me about this particular situation, however, is the complete lack of respect by this reporter for the democracy that we have provided and helped sustain for him. Apparently, he likes his newfound freedoms in Iraq, enough so to throw his shoes in a press conference, but he isn't too fond or appreciative of the folks that perpetuate the democratic sentiment. Tell me how that makes sense. Aside from the sheer disrespect for a world leader, or another human being for that matter, this reporter seems to so quickly forget what Saddam's dictatorship meant for him and his family. In his previous leader's regime, this reporter wouldn't need shoes at all. Because Saddam would've lopped his feet off if he even threw a sock in a press conference. This is what happens when you give primitive folk a freedom they're not accustomed to. They shit all over it and expect some sort of sympathy. How about a simple thank you and a logical debate or discussion about your region's problems like what should've happened. Apparently, that's out of the question. Apparently, democracy to him is the freedom to play dodgeshoe with people who have fought long and hard to earn their political merits. Luckily for us, we have a president that not only has the ability to stand up to the sheer terror of the world, but the class to deal with the kooks who don't understand it. On a lighter note, we're lucky he's studied Vince Vaughn's moves in Dodgeball.
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