The Festo - Scrumptious...

Hey, would you eat a five pound hunk of shark that's been rotting for two months in a rundown shed somewhere in Iceland? No? How about a yellowtail heart, just recently yanked out of the fish's chest and still beating? Not too appetizing, huh? Well, here's the main course: a smorgasbord of bugs and insects, including deep fried tarantulas on a stick and baked hissing cockroaches that are fed almonds to give them a nutty taste. Yummy. Although these dishes may seem waaayyyyy too over the top normal folk like you or me, they are a part of the everyday scene for a guy like Andrew Zimmern. The Travel Channel's show, Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, is truly one of the great finds on primetime television. Every episode contains some of the grossest, most addictive content found on any station.

It's currently 12:30 on a Monday night-slash-Tuesday morning and I'm watching this culinary freak of a man stare at a bucket of sheep's blood, wondering whether or not he'd like to go bobbing for brains. It's great TV. And it's in Hi-Def!!!! Now, he's gobbling up a piece of grandma's sheep's blood cake. I kid you not. Nothing like some feel-good dessert to cap the night off.

Folks like me remember the days of Fear Factor, where desperate people would put themselves through the agony of eating cow anus for a shot at forty thousand. Well, this guy does it for free. I guess his show could be considered the spawn of the NBC hit, but I can guarantee it's much more fun and definitely more informative, especially for those of us who enjoy the Food Network. Yes, it is that good of a show. It has single-handedly pulled me away from the Olympics, for Christ's sake. So, it must be good. And on that same token, while we're tooting many horns here, let's just give the Travel Channel a round of applause for not stopping the fun at Zimmern.

Their other major primetime show, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, is a great hit as well. Bourdain, though probably just as crazy in his broad spectrum of tastes, doesn't seem as desperate to eat fire-roasted bat as Zimmern might. But this works just fine within the parameters of his show. He routinely takes his viewers to exotic locations, not to find the most absurd foods known to man but to give us a quick taste (usually with the help and guidance of a local or two) of what the food and drink would be like for the average tourist.

Both in primetime slots, the two of these hosts work incredibly well together, Zimmern with his wackiness and Bourdain with his calmer, composed demeanor. In fact, Travel Channel is at its best when it throws on a long marathon of Bourdain and Zimmern, just as I'm doing right now. It's like watching the Ali and Frazier of eclectic palettes, each of them throwing haymakers in the form of funky dishes and traditional tastes.

Sometime in the future, I can see a mega-show. We'll call it, "Hey, Try This! We Swear it's Great! With Bourdain and Zimmern." Their logo will be the two of them giving the cheesiest smiles to go with a couple of giant thumbs-ups, while a recently hacked-off giraffe head sits on a plate in front of them. The show itself will be a two or a three hour monster of a Monday night with the two of them on screen at the same time challenging each other to eat more cow dung custard. I can see the two of them pushing each other to the absolute brink, where they begin trying foods that not even the natives thought of attempting. They'd each have the most manufactured smiles pasted on their faces as they lined up ten shots of coagulated goat semen.

All that wishful thinking aside, however, both shows are spectacular as is. Kudos to the both of them for doing some of the coolest shtuff I've seen. I'm jealous. Three cheers to the Travel Channel for striking gold twice. Hip-Hip...Hooray!

Written Tuesday, August 12, 2008 at 12:16 in the A.M.